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I could have owned Malaysia, but have a closet full of clothes instead

As an actor you will find many highs and lows. It is important to prepare for the lows. Many famous and infamous but great actors fulfill the empty “rejection” spots by different addictions. Drinking, Gambling, Smoking, Drugs and Binging are just a few of the ways to feed the addiction to the need for gratification. For me it has always been clothes and shoes. My closet is filled with many expensive and unexpansive (I mean cheap clothes), SHOES, bracelets, necklaces and nick- knack’s, that If I had been wise and saved the money, I could have bought a country.

I laugh about it as I am now older, but I still have the same pattern of buying, to cover my disappointments and rejections from the acting VERBIAGES. “I was close!, two callbacks, but, I came in second” syndrome.
I think we should all have something, inexpensive we can do to rid ourselves of our devils. Let’s face it, “Acting is an addiction”. However, I would rather be addicted to buying, then some of the other addictions spoken about earlier in this blog.

If I can give any advice and forgive me if you don’t wish to hear it, it would be to have a second choice, just in case… Yes, we all deserve to make it and everyone has some talent, but Hollywood has its own natural selection process and some people who are totally talented just never make IT. So I guess what I am trying to say, is how do we cope with all of this? When everything comes to an end, like you just can’t go on anymore. For me the darkest moment just happened this year with the most famous director in the ballgame, Man- God , Clint Eastwood Director of the movie“ Jersey Boys” has his producer of the movie, send me a letter sweetly telling me that my scene was cut out of the movie due to lack of time. It was a nice and polite thing for the producer of the movie to do…however it is a dark moment as you realize, yes, this is the nature of the business, but it does affect you and the people you deal with, so, what do you do? Crying is not enough, going on a binge just doesn’t make it and you only have so much room for clothes in your closets. I find You have to go to the very bottom of bottoms, and face your dark fears and just know in your heart that, you are more THAN ENOUGH and FIND YOURSELF a healthy replacement. One that gives you your creative energies and talents a lift. Perhaps joining a good Theatre Company, writing a one-person show, visiting old friends, just anything to get you and your ego balanced again. Oh, yes, and put some money away while you make it, for the dark- slow times. Knowing deep in your soul that you will survive… and it’s just a passing cloud.

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